navigating this strange sea

My beloved partner and I seldom have words, much less heated ones, but last month I asked him whether he was going to make changes before or after his first heart attack.

Not a fair question, I know. I’m not proud of my behavior.

So when he began some radical changes, I ground my teeth and said nothing. I especially didn’t ask him what he was going to do when he started passing out from lack of food.

Last Tuesday, his doctor patiently explained that blood pressure of 91/59 was too low for a man of his age and size. Also, I was informed by my pard, he is going to have to start ramping his calories up above 800 a day – apparently the doctor says he should be eating 2000 – 2500 a day!

I did not say I told you so. But I had a moment of clarity: what is he telling me that I can’t hear? What do I not trust him to say honestly? Or what do I not trust myself to hear honestly?

Am I afraid that his lips will lie to me, or my ears?

We are sheltered in place and together basically 24/7 for who knows how long. I wonder what else will come out of it.

Still healthy here, and I hope you are as well.

– Abe

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